How to maintain self-love in romantic relationships

How to show up whole, restored and replenished in your romantic relationships

We have been sold the lie that self-abandonment and perpetual self-sacrifice are the key to romantic relationships. We are told to give up all of ourselves to sustain our relationships, especially romantic ones. But what if there is another way? What if the route to a lasting romantic connection is via self-care? I believe that love starts with you, and the love you have for yourself radiates to those you love. The more you love yourself, the more love you have to share with others in an authentic way.

Here’s what self-love can look like in a relationship.

1. Setting Clear, Calm Boundaries

Self-love means honouring your limits and advocating for yourself. Boundaries set clarity and expectations for all involved. They reduce resentment from building and allow love to grow. When you communicate your needs calmly and consistently, you create safety for both of you.

It’s saying:

• “I need some quiet time tonight.”
• “That doesn’t feel good for me.”
• “I don’t want to do that.”

A relationship where you can say “no” is a relationship where your “yes” has meaning and deepens your connection.

2. Spending Time Doing What You Love

Loving someone doesn’t mean abandoning your dreams or passions. When you continue to nurture your soul, you bring more energy and vitality into the relationship. Desire grows when individuality is preserved.

Self-love looks like:

• Keeping up with your hobbies
• Pursuing your career
• Moving your body in ways that feel good
• Protecting time for creativity or rest

3. Maintaining your community

Your partner cannot — and should not — be your only source of connection.

Seeing friends, laughing with your community, and maintaining meaningful relationships outside your romance is a powerful act of self-love. It relieves the pressure on your partner to be your everything and keeps your world expansive.

When both partners have full lives, they bring newness and excitement into the relationship.

4. Maintaining your looks

Self-love in romantic relationships is maintaining your beauty standard. When you look good, you feel good, and that makes sexy time even more exciting. Not only should your lover bring beauty into your life, helping build your confidence, but you should also take time to maintain yourself.

• A slow shower
• A gym session
• Moisturising with the good butter
• Getting your hands and feet done
• Wearing clothes that make you feel good

Caring for your physical self keeps you connected to your body — and that connection naturally supports intimacy. When you feel good in yourself, you move differently. You show up differently, and sexy time is better for all involved.

5. Little Treats and Personal Joy

Self-love in romantic relationships is allowing yourself small pleasures:

• Using the good tea
• Wearing your good clothes
• Resting without earning it
• Using the good soap
• Buying (and using) the creamy, rich body butter that smells so good.

For me, using my favourite soap followed by my favourite butter is one of my favourite ways to restore and nourish myself. The rich lather, the intoxicating scents and the knowledge that I am using nourishing, natural ingredients soothe my skin and my soul.  A simple shower with the right ingredients can be a moment of reconnection before you return to the world, or to your partner.

Acts of kindness and self-care send a quiet message to your nervous system: I matter.

When you value yourself, you don’t look to your partner to constantly prove your worth; you reaffirm within and act accordingly.

Summary

Self-love in a relationship means tending to your whole self:

Romantic love doesn’t pull you away from self-love — it roots you more deeply in it.

When you honour your own needs, you bring more patience, softness, and presence into your relationship. And when both partners do this, love becomes less about endurance and more about ease.

Be good to yourself.

Mazel

www.goodnaturedskincare.com